Not so random thoughts…I think of this everyday

I see I haven’t blogged for a while, more than a month. I tried a few times but realised there are limitations of using handheld devices, sitting on buses, taking phone calls etc, and losing much content by not saving my vitally important and life changing words 🙂 So I got a little frustrated.

Things have been hectic of late. My Virtual CFO colleagues and I have hit a vein of activity and engagements, and with relationship and family desires of connection (I almost used the word commitment but it seems like such a shallow word when it comes to “relationships” and “family”), finding the time to self indulge in my blog has become a little hard.

I woke up this morning though, being back in Sydney away from DC and our little man Louie, and DC had sent this to me by text. I read it and started crying. In fact I am starting again now. Sobbing more like it. I know I should be a hard nosed CFO, you know be able to stand up to the rigours of the commercial world, but some things are more important than commerce aren’t they.

My beloved DC sent me this:

http://twopointfivekids.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/get-out-tissues-and-hug-your-children.html?m=1

….and as a flow on effect I sent the following to the mother of my two beautiful daughters…

“This is why, at the end of the day, despite all the anger, disappointment and sadness for stupid actions, why if you love someone, I mean really love them, like I love you and our beautiful girls, why as hard as it is we all have to move on with a warmth in our hearts as one day it can just be snatched from us

 …and what then. What is it that we will think of and regret. Will all the anger and loss have been worth it.”

This has got nothing to do with CFO’ing, I know.

For normal people, us commoners, those of us who haven’t sat in big corporates with big fat salaries and bonuses, but have had a crack at targeting business opportunities that bring passion if not always financial reward. The kind of rewards in the shape of million dollar bonuses that help overcome unwise financial decisions, and to the point a breakdown of a long marriage can have some pretty significant financial consequences, and there are often legacy issues that need to be managed. 

Yesterday I spoke with some guy who means nothing to me, and I mean nothing to him, other than we cross paths by reason of the commerce of life’s journey, and I said this to him, or words to the effect:

“Mate, it would mean nothing for me to walk away from this and go to my little boy and his mum and live a peaceful existence and be happy. I don’t need this aggravation and if I have learn’t anything what matters is how things impact on my health and happiness, and the health and happiness of those around me that I care about. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.”

He muttered something in some pathetic way thinking he knew me and what makes me tick, what drives me to do the things I do…and of great surprise to him he realised he was talking with someone who maybe had worked out what was important and not so important in life. He would have got a completely different response just a few years ago, and may have got what he was after. More negotiations at hand on this. I may yet lose the war but the battle was “stimulating” yesterday.

Image

I love what I do, I immensely thrive and enjoy my interaction with my colleagues and my clients, but as they have said in the classics, when your time has come, and you hope that when it does you are surrounded by love and nothing less, it is truly the case that the impact and influence you have had in your personal relationships, with those that you truly love, that is all that will matter.

Anyway, I will push on as I have school fees to pay, and that is important to my Miss 15. It’s not the only reason for pushing on. I would never tip off the edge completely with the thought that living like a hippy on a beach island is actually realistic, but when one gets a wake up call (or text) like this morning about the fragile nature of life, and it makes you think of love and those you love, sometimes being a hippy philosopher living on an island looks bloody attractive.

Side note: I often think that my own life’s journey makes me the SME financial adviser I am today. Maybe lots of things do happen for a reason. What I love about my choice of occupation now is less about the “technical”, and certainly nothing to do about the money, or prospect of it, what is stimulating is overlaying “life” with the commerce. Anyway, maybe the bones of content for another “musingsofaCFO”

 

The complexity of the modern family…and not the comedy one

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stepmonster/201106/why-its-easier-love-stepfather-stepmother

This is a sensational summary of an exceptionally complex relationship issue…thank you for the link to my gal Danielle…

I guess the fact that I am still looking for a solution is better than not…and to avoid giving up in trying to make a connection between all the key relationships in my life…Danielle and my little man Louie together with my two beautiful daughters from my marriage of 24 years.

The scary thing I have come to realise after living what is hopefully not less than half my life (let me think about that, you know what I mean), is I am quite capable of both, that is blind perseverance and on the flipside to giving up. The concern I have is that when I give up, often I never look back…ever.

When I’m riding my board, and I turn my mind away from the possibility of injury to other things that are important to me, I’m not thinking that everything will be roses, I am not that naive. But how do you divide your life in half, and separate your life, when the people that are involved are the most important people in the world to you. Sure, there have been mistakes, corruption of judgment, but am I the only one?? There are three very, very important people in this world today that I would take a bullet for, and those people are my kids. Shortly after that are their mums, the two of them, that I love to bits in very different ways, but it started the same. Does that make sense?

Is it impossible to think that relationships can merge and a form of happiness, some kind of happiness and acceptance can emerge?

I often think about that time, whenever that will be, when it will be too late. When it will be too late to put aside what is important now, in terms of emotions and feelings, but where those emotions and feelings of disappointment, hate, disgust, will all of a sudden evaporate into the sadness of the moment, and then all you have is remorse, regret and a time you will never get back again…and for what.

I would add a photo to this blog story, but it would only make me weep